-By Our Resident Investigator,
(Lanka-e-News -21.Feb.2025, 11.40 PM) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the latest episode of Sri Lanka’s Got Conspiracies, featuring an all-new attempt to discredit Defence Secretary Marshal Sampath Thuyacontha. If you thought Sri Lankan politics was a peaceful tea party, think again—this is more like a street-side kottu roti shop, with everyone throwing ingredients (and accusations) into the mix.
This time, the conspiracy revolves around the appointment of Jayantha Edirisinghe. Apparently, somewhere in the vast web of Sri Lankan politics, Edirisinghe might have once had coffee with someone remotely connected to the Rajapaksas—maybe even shook hands at a wedding buffet. And just like that, his name is now flagged as a national security risk.
The logic? “If you’ve ever shared breathing space with Basil Rajapaksa, you should automatically be ineligible for any public service role.” If that’s the case, half of Sri Lanka’s top officials should start packing their bags now.
Then we have Harsha, a bright young officer educated at the US Naval Academy (a.k.a. “Harvard for Warships”). You’d think someone with such a prestigious background would be assigned to a strategic role in defense planning. Nope. Instead, he’s in charge of fuel dispensing—because, clearly, Sri Lanka’s biggest national security crisis is making sure the army’s fuel tanks are full.
And just when you thought this story couldn’t get more bizarre, enter a well-known Apple YouTuber (yes, you read that right). This tech vlogger, best known for reviewing iPhones and MacBooks, has now pivoted to political journalism—specifically, attacking the Defence Secretary. Forget military strategy; apparently, the real threat to Sri Lanka’s security is hidden in iOS updates.
So, what’s the ultimate goal of this media circus? According to “sources” (a.k.a. WhatsApp forwards), the objective is to:
Question the Defence Secretary’s loyalty to President Anura Kumara Dissanayake and the NPP government.
Paint him as a hidden Rajapaksa loyalist, despite zero evidence beyond a few questionable appointments.
Distract from the fact that he’s actually trying to clean up the Ministry of Defence, which, let’s be honest, is as easy as sweeping a beach during a tsunami.
Here’s the real punchline: Thuyacontha is actually doing his job—curbing corruption, modernizing the military, and getting rid of bad apples. But instead of appreciating this, a section of the media is busy finding ghost stories where none exist.
Sri Lanka’s military was once one of the most disciplined forces in the world. Over time, political interference, favoritism, and corruption have dented its reputation. The Defence Secretary’s task isn’t just about appointing the right people; it’s about removing the wrong ones—and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why he’s facing resistance.
So, what’s next? Maybe a TikTok astrologer will predict that Thuyacontha’s next move is dictated by Mercury in retrograde? Or perhaps a food vlogger will claim that a plate of kottu at a Defence Ministry meeting is proof of corruption?
Until then, this so-called "media conspiracy" remains a masterclass in political comedy—and a reminder that in Sri Lanka, real work will always be met with unnecessary drama.
-By Our Resident Investigator,
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by (2025-02-21 18:34:22)
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