-By a Special Correspondent
(Lanka-e-News -10.Jan.2025, 11.00 PM) When Sri Lanka’s newly elected President Anura Kumara walked into the Presidential Media Division, what he didn’t expect was the eerie emptiness of a building that once buzzed with top-notch media equipment. It was as if the Grinch had visited and stolen not just Christmas but the entire inventory of the Media Division. Cameras? Gone. Lighting rigs? Vanished. Editing suites? Missing without a trace.
The value of this Houdini-level disappearance? A cool Rs. 162 million.
But here’s where the story takes a turn from tragedy to comedy: the man at the center of this scandal is none other than Dhanushka Ramanayake, a self-proclaimed media wizard who once managed to sneak into a selfie with French President Emmanuel Macron. Now, instead of being celebrated for his diplomacy, he’s hiding in what appears to be the Sri Lankan version of Where’s Waldo?—except Waldo left behind a trail of unpaid invoices and missing equipment.
Dhanushka Ramanayake’s career trajectory is nothing short of a fairy tale, albeit one written by Kafka. Once the media handler for the famously sharp-tongued Champika Ranawaka, he somehow transitioned to cleaning President Ranil Wickremesinghe’s toilet (no, that’s not a metaphor) and eventually became the head of the Presidential Media Division.
Let that sink in: from wielding a toilet brush to controlling millions of rupees’ worth of state-of-the-art media equipment. It’s the kind of career leap that would make even the most optimistic LinkedIn coach break into applause.
But Dhanushka wasn’t content with just running the Media Division. No, he had bigger plans—like redirecting contracts to his very own private studio while sending inflated invoices back to the Media Division. If that isn’t entrepreneurial spirit, what is?
The Rs. 162 million question is this: where did all the equipment go? According to court orders, the Criminal Investigation Department (CID) is now tasked with answering that question. Unfortunately, Dhanushka Ramanayake has decided that this is the perfect time to audition for the role of Sri Lanka’s very own Carmen Sandiego.
There are rumors, of course. Some say the equipment was quietly transferred to a private studio—coincidentally owned by someone whose name rhymes suspiciously with "Shanushka Ramananayake." Others speculate that the gear has been scattered across the country, sold to the highest bidder or traded for exposure on Instagram.
But here’s the kicker: even the inventory list seems to be missing. That’s right—the equipment isn’t just gone; it’s double gone.
It’s not just the missing equipment that has everyone talking. Investigators are now uncovering a treasure trove of shady financial transactions during Dhanushka’s tenure. Contracts for media production were handed out like candy to—you guessed it—his private studio. The work? Dubiously subpar. The invoices? Outrageously inflated.
Take, for instance, the Rs. 5 million billed for a single social media video that turned out to be a poorly edited slideshow with stock music. Or the Rs. 10 million “media training session” that was essentially a PowerPoint presentation downloaded from YouTube.
It’s almost impressive, really. Who knew that government corruption could have such creative flair?
Now that the spotlight is on him, Dhanushka has gone into hiding. Friends and family claim they haven’t seen him in weeks. Neighbors report strange late-night activities at his home involving trucks and unidentified packages. It’s as if he’s trying to win the gold medal in the Hide-and-Seek Olympics.
Meanwhile, President Anura Kumara has made it clear that he won’t rest until every rupee is accounted for. “This is not just a loss of money; this is a loss of trust,” he reportedly said, before adding, “Also, where are my cameras?”
Of course, no Sri Lankan scandal is complete without a buffet of conspiracy theories. Here are the top contenders:
1. The “Robin Hood” Theory
Dhanushka didn’t steal the equipment; he redistributed it to rural journalists who lacked access to quality tools. If true, he’s less of a thief and more of a misguided philanthropist.
2. The “It Was All a Dream” Theory
Some insiders claim that the equipment never existed in the first place. Was it all an elaborate illusion created to funnel money into private accounts?
3. The “Macron Connection” Theory
Could the selfie with Emmanuel Macron have been part of a larger, international scheme? Perhaps Dhanushka was recruited by a shadowy organization of global media moguls.
At the heart of this bizarre saga lies a fundamental truth: government accountability is no laughing matter. While it’s tempting to chuckle at the sheer absurdity of Dhanushka’s escapades, the missing Rs. 162 million represents money that could have been used for public good.
The CID now has the unenviable task of untangling this web of deceit, recovering the stolen equipment, and ensuring that the perpetrators are brought to justice. Meanwhile, Sri Lankans wait with bated breath for the next twist in this unfolding drama.
If there’s one takeaway from this mess, it’s this: never trust a man who’s too eager to take selfies with world leaders. It’s a red flag.
Also, maybe it’s time for the government to invest in better inventory management systems. Perhaps one that doesn’t rely on handwritten ledgers and Post-it notes.
As we wrap up this tale of intrigue, corruption, and selfie-fueled ambition, one thing is clear: Dhanushka Ramanayake may be hiding, but the truth will eventually come to light. Until then, the Rs. 162 million remains missing, and the Presidential Media Division is left to wonder what could have been.
Stay tuned for updates. This story is far from over.
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by (2025-01-10 22:47:49)
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