-By A Staff Writer
(Lanka-e-News -01.Dec.2024, 9.25 PM) When it comes to Sri Lankan politics, drama is never in short supply. But former Public Security Minister Tiran Alles seems to have taken things to a new level, demanding not 10, not 20, but a whopping 50 Special Task Force (STF) officers for his personal protection. Yes, you read that right. Fifty. One can’t help but wonder if he’s planning to fend off his “enemies” or stage a personal remake of 300.
But the plot thickens—or should we say, flattens—when allegations of a £1 million flat in London are thrown into the mix. Tiran is furious, claiming it’s all the work of his enemies. But let’s take a closer (and witty) look at this tale of a man, his obsession with protection, and his unending grievances about property gossip.
When Tiran Alles first made his request for 50 STF officers, even seasoned bureaucrats had to stifle a chuckle. The man already has 25 officers, which, for the record, is 23 more than the average minister receives. So why the need for double the firepower?
According to Tiran, he’s under grave threat. Who these threats are from is unclear, but we can imagine his enemies include:
1. The stray dogs of Colombo.
2. Anyone who dared to criticize his wardrobe.
3. The general public, armed with biting memes.
At this rate, it wouldn’t be surprising if Tiran demanded his STF officers accompany him to pick out curtain fabric or hold umbrellas during the rain. The sheer absurdity of the situation led one anonymous STF officer to joke, “With 50 of us around him, we’d need to rent a second bus just to follow him.”
Now, onto the London flat. Allegations that Tiran owns a £1 million property in the UK have spread like wildfire, much to his dismay. Tiran has been tirelessly denying these claims, repeating himself so often that even his enemies have grown tired of the narrative.
In a recent press conference, Tiran allegedly muttered, “I do not own a flat in London,” no fewer than eight times. One journalist quipped afterward, “If we had a rupee for every denial, we could probably afford a flat in London ourselves.”
What’s puzzling is the lack of specifics in his defense. He hasn’t clarified if he rents a flat in London, is thinking about buying one, or merely has a fondness for the city’s fish and chips. The vagueness has only fueled speculation, and one can almost hear the London real estate agents whispering, “We don’t know who Tiran Alles is, but he sounds like good business.”
Tiran Alles is no stranger to flamboyance. From his days as Public Security Minister, he has mastered the art of extravagance. Whether it’s organizing elaborate events or traveling with entourages that make rock stars jealous, Tiran has always had a flair for the dramatic.
But even by his standards, the demand for 50 STF officers feels excessive. For context:
• The average Sri Lankan citizen has access to zero STF officers.
• Even most ministers make do with a single-digit security detail.
• The President himself might raise an eyebrow at the thought of needing 50 officers for personal protection.
Critics have pointed out the burden this places on the public purse, with one saying, “If Tiran needs this many officers, he should pay their salaries himself. Maybe he can sell that flat in London he doesn’t own?”
Tiran’s paranoia about enemies raises an interesting question: who are these shadowy figures that keep him awake at night? Theories range from political rivals to overzealous journalists to, perhaps, the collective outrage of Sri Lankan taxpayers.
In one particularly memorable moment, Tiran reportedly claimed that these enemies were jealous of his success and out to tarnish his good name. But as one observer put it, “When you ask for 50 guards, people start wondering if maybe there’s some truth to the rumors.”
It doesn’t help that Tiran’s connections to controversial financial dealings have been the subject of whispers for years. Whether it’s the alleged flat in London or the stories of lavish spending, his penchant for over-the-top requests does little to quell suspicion.
For all its seriousness, the Tiran Alles saga has a comedic undertone that’s hard to ignore. Sri Lankans, known for their sharp sense of humor, have taken to social media to poke fun at the situation. Memes abound, with some comparing Tiran’s security detail to a cricket team and others joking about him applying for a Guinness World Record for “most guards per politician.”
A satirical tweet read: “Breaking: Tiran Alles requests STF officers to guard his refrigerator, as enemies may be plotting to steal his ice cream.”
But beneath the humor lies a deeper frustration. Many citizens see Tiran’s demands as emblematic of the disconnect between politicians and the people they serve. While ordinary Sri Lankans struggle with economic hardships, the sight of a minister demanding an army of bodyguards feels tone-deaf at best.
Tiran Alles may brush off criticism as the work of jealous enemies, but the public is demanding answers. Why does he need 50 STF officers? Who approved such an extravagant request? And most importantly, what’s the deal with the London flat?
Transparency and accountability are the need of the hour. If Tiran Alles truly has nothing to hide, he should welcome an independent investigation into the allegations against him.
Until then, his claims of victimhood will continue to ring hollow. After all, when you’re surrounded by 50 STF officers, it’s hard to play the underdog.
In the world of Sri Lankan politics, where the line between reality and satire often blurs, Tiran Alles stands out as a character straight out of a political comedy. His demands for security and his flat-out denials about London property have turned him into a magnet for ridicule.
But behind the laughs lies a serious question about the misuse of public resources and the need for greater accountability from those in power. Sri Lankans deserve leaders who prioritize the country’s needs over personal theatrics.
Until that day comes, we can only sit back, watch the drama unfold, and wonder: what will Tiran Alles ask for next? A personal battalion? A private island? Or perhaps, 50 more STF officers to guard the truth?
---------------------------
by (2024-12-01 15:56:39)
Read 41322 Times
Leave a Reply
0 discussion on this news
